3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
