I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
