atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The best revenge is premature balding
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
