On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
