Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
