just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
