I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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