Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
