Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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