I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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