then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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