the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
