her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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