I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
