I feel great
I just peed on a car
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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