I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
