george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
