Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
