if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
