Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
