just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Found the puke drawer
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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