I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
