i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
