dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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