did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
