Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
