Yo dont text me then not text me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woke up backwards on a recliner
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
