this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
