Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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