This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
