i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
