Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How's work?
Spinning.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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