did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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