So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
