why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
