Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Yea well when i pee it makes steam.

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(914): View more from New York

I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?

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(440): View more from Ohio

I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.

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(817): View more from Texas

He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night

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(217): View more from Illinois

I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

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(810): View more from Michigan

He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit

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