Welp...herpes.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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