dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
