I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
