He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
