Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
