You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
