Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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