Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
