On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
