the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
