Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
