party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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