My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
wow bdsm is so cute
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
