As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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