I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
