never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
